I couldn’t remember if Gen 1/A is supposed to start when an A heir is announced or when the first A is born, so I just picked whichever one I felt like going with. Therefore, welcome back to An Infectious Legacy, in which we now have begun gEnerAtiOn A!!!!!!! (Any iCarly fans out there? Any of ya’ll hear that in the Crazy Dancing voice? If not, you were supposed to.)
So, let’s begin today’s installment with a picture of this beautiful girl:
Shalice has a condition called alopecia, in which some or all hair is lost, usually from the scalp. It’s not contagious but could be hereditary. It’s possibly caused by the body attacking it’s own hair follicles just for fun…Shalice just covered all that herself up there though. Incidentally, I’m convinced I know someone who secretly has alopecia. However, I’m pretty sure you’re not here for that and you don’t really care, so let’s just cut to the chase and give you what you really want: someone who legitimately has Alopecia…well…sort of, anyway….
“I just love my wittle baby waby babykins, yes I do, uh huh, Mommy wuvs you…”
Awww, sweet. Too bad it doesn’t last.
“OH MY PLUMBOB I HATE THIS BABY SHUT UP!!!!!”
“Uh…sweetie pumpkin…don’t you think you might be overreacting just a tad…?”
“No….as a matter of fact, I do not think I’m overreacting. Actually I think I’m underreacting. This baby woke me when I was sleeping perfectly fine…mothers in the wild have eaten their offspring for less serious offenses.”
“All right, sweetie, no more nature channel for you…why don’t you just come on back to bed; you know you can’t really eat the baby…”
“Oh….you’re right. I’m…I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. Of course I would never eat our baby…heh.”
“Well, since we’re already up, what do you say we have a little bit of woohoo to sooth your nerves?” ::aw, man, all that talk about eating babies has got me really hungry…::
“That actually sounds perfect, honey chiclet, let’s get nekkid!” ::hm, I wonder if I could write this scene into my novel and make it the next best thing in mommy porn!::
::WARNING TO SENSITIVE READERS, BLURRY SIM NUDITY COMING RIGHT UP!::
“Hm…sounds like the baby’s crying again.”
“Yes, I knew I should have eaten him already.”
I couldn’t really come up with a caption for the next picture, so I asked real!Kurtis what it is he thinks he’d be saying, and he said something along these lines:
“So, after you’re done with him, you still wanna try and make him a big brother, wink wink nudge nudge?”
“You know what…I’m just going to go make a sandwich or something before I decide that you’d make a better meal than him…and I do NOT mean that in a sexxi time way.”
“Aw, it’s ok baby…Mommy’s just a little crazy right now. But don’t you worry, Daddy’s got your back…”
“And your hands, and your legs, and your….ribs…and….mmm…you do smell delicious…..”
Shortly thereafter, Kurtis decided to attend a party where he met this attractive pregnant vampire lady.
“So I heard that Twilight vampires are all hard like rocks and stuff…is that true? If I punched you, would I totally break my hand?”
I have no idea what PregVamp said in response, but I DO know that the lady in the background…the old one, mind you…is an army buddy of Kurtis’s that he thought would be fun to woohoo with right after this little conversation. I’d like to think that PregVamp put it up to him, but who knows? Anyway, as interesting a story arc that would be, I totally cancelled that action, so Sara and Kurtis take little Alopecia to the library so he can see where Mommy works.
“You actually have no idea what was really going on in this picture, do you?”
“Which means you don’t have a decent caption, do you?”
You got it, babe.
That day, or maybe a different one, Sara is type type typing away at the library to get her novel —
Er…ok, mommy porn…cranked out while Kurtis is doing the military thing to make the family some real money.
Note the mysterious costume change. You know that can only mean one thing!
“That I wear more than one outfit, maybe…?”
Okay, so it could maybe mean more than one thing…hey…wait a second…
Uh…Sara…didn’t you bring the baby with you…?
“Yeah, of course, he’s over there with that random toddler.”
….no he isn’t…
“Oh, well maybe he’s in the children’s area…”
Right. Because a newborn could totally go all the way up to like the third floor of a building all by his lonesome.
After panning around, I finally located Sara and Kurtis’s defenseless little pinky in the most likely and safe place imaginable…all alone outside next to the street.
…which is where he remained long into the afternoon and early evening while his poor little plumbob slowly, steadily turned a sickly yellow red color.
“Aw, see, he’s fine! My little man is a tough cookie, yes he is!”
Please just tell me you weren’t trying to cook him or anything.
“Of course not…I even had him camouflaged like bird poop to keep him safe from predators; I really don’t know what your problem is.”
Tune in next time to see if poor Alopecia manages to make it to his toddler years without being eaten or abandoned by his parents! Yeah!
Oh, and also, just in case anyone’s interested, this is how I’d determined the Simptoms’ offspring would be named: I had a blue solo cup (not red) called the Cup of Disease hanging out at work, and anyone that had any suggestions for the letter I’m on could contribute. Once Sara (or whoever) ended up preggo, I’d draw a name. Fun, right? Right. Well, anyway, due to really awful circumstances, morale at work right now is at an all-time low, so who knows if anyone will want to add anything for the B’s. Therefore, you, my faithful…ish…readers are welcome to throw in your own suggestions! If yours wins, you get….probably nothing except satisfaction, but we’ll see! Baby A two has already been birthed and named, but you can still use A diseases if you want. Whatevs. See you next time, and thanks for reading! 😀