Herro, ev’ryone, and welcome back to the hilarious(ish) antics of the Simptoms family! I’m pretty sure that this chapter will suck because the internet I’m borrowing right now is a little questionable and my pictures are all unrelated, but I know you’re gonna love it anyway.
Last time, Sara poisoned Kurtis a little bit because he keeps calling her fat.
“Serves him right for calling me fat…I’m glowing, people. GLOWING.”
“I’d also like to mention that all of this talk about me being a baby eating cannibal is pure nonsense. Why, little Al and I spend many quiet evenings simply reading together and enjoying each others’ company, all while being supervised by that creepy little doll that no one remembers getting…”
….that’s a cookbook, isn’t it?
“….and what of it?”
So, speaking of babies, I found this pop-up particularly hilarious:
I didn’t even change his name or anything. Any nineties’ kids out there get it? Anyone?
Back at the Simptoms’ abode, changes were being made in order to attempt to ensure the safety of the current heir. Observe my crappy attempts at photographing Al’s crappy nursery:
It took some finagling, but eventually some walls and stuff were added so that Alopecia would have his own room, far from the ravenous intentions of his hormonally imbalanced mother. You jelly? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Now that he’s finally cottoned on to the fact that baby numero dose is on the way, Kurtis has decided that it’s time for him to man up and try to improve his ranking in the military. With that in mind, he jumps at the chance to participate in the Special — er, Military — Olympics.
Ah, here’s our budding gladiator now….how’d you do in there, Kurtis?
“Oh, I was awesome! I totally opened cans of whooping all up in that joint!”
Oh really now?
“Oh, er…read that notification, did you? Heh…”
Moving right along in our super-jumpy chapter, we find Sara wasting no time in introducing Alopecia to his new digs.
“Here you go baby, find a nice comfy position on the floor. Can’t have you losing muscle tone and getting all flabby laying around in your crib, now can we? You’re bound to be much more tender from sleeping on a hard surface…”
“Geez, this other kid is killing my back…I hope it doesn’t turn out to be a fatty….”
“That would pretty much just blow my cholesterol through the roof.”
“Hmm…I’ll bet we have some cookbooks somewhere that’ll have some good recipes for leaning down more corpulent cuts of meat…”
And here’s where I’m going to stop. I was actually planning on making this chapter TWICE as long, but it’s gotten pretty late and I have to go home to feed my dog and stuff, so….I am. Tune in next time for more cannibalistic hijinks! Yay!