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A.12 Grinding Teeth During Sleep

Hey people, thanks for coming back! Today, I thought we’d do a little “getting to know you” piece, featuring Alopecia, as our first candidate for heirdom.

“Hey ever’one, I’m a real boy (or girl) now!!”

“Bish, please. I know you didn’t just get all up in my juice trying to steal MY feature post.”

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“Aw, come on, Al! Aren’tcha glad I can finally walk around and talk and stuff and live in your home with you all the time??”

“Oh, don’t mind me, just pottying in a corner of the living room like a common indigent of some sort…”

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“Uh, does this LOOK like the face of a glad person…? I don’t need you prancing and dancing around, trying to steal all my thunder, so you best just step off, puff n’ stuff, ’cause ain’t no one around here more real than ME.”

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“But Al! Don’tcha remember our big plans for me to be real one day and work in a disco ball factory so’s I can bring home lotsa free disco balls and make ever’thing all shiny and sparkly and stuff?!”

“DISCO BALLS?? Why didn’t you say so! Disco balls are FAB-U-LOUS!!”

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“I wuv you, dolly. I don’t mind of you steal my spotlight….nobody ever ‘members me anyway.”

Awww….sad Amnesia is sad. 😦

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“Now that I’ve managed to ditch the doll, I wanna get down to the real point of this post….the ladies.”

Ladies? Really? Are you sure…?

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“Stop interrupting. LADIES of the Sim world, hear me out: I know I may not be perceived as good looking like say your Franco Bookabet, your Cocaine Chimeree, or your Hunter Sample…”

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“I’m here to tell you all: your perceptions are wrong. Although you may not be able to see it yet, I am obviously the finest specimen of Sim man meat that ever has or ever will grace your screens. Once you’ve reeled me in, no need to go casting about for anyone else. And, even though I want only the best, I’m easily impressed, so it won’t be hard for that special someone to convince me that’s what you are.”

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“One last thing: don’t even be trying to cram your nasty girl feet in my gold flippy floppies. Once you’re with me and First Lady of the Simptoms, you can buy your own dang shoes.”

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“I know this post is supposed to be all about Alopecia making himself out to be the most attractive possible heir, but between you and me, I think he’s blowing it. Quick, cat, so something cute to distract the readers.”

“Like I’m falling for that. Besides, I’m on team Rex.”

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“I see how it is….want something done, you gotta do it yourself. ::pees self:: Hey readers, look! My water just broke….another Simptom baby is on the way!!”

“Don’t be daft, Mother; everyone knows that young Sims, colloquially often referred to as ‘nooboos,’ are in no need of amniotic fluid, as they emerge fully blanketed and diapered from the parent Sim’s plumbob, like the one photo bombing this shot to your right.”

“Kid, you either watch too much tv or not enough.”

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“Ok kids, I’ve had enough of all ya’ll. I need some me time to work on that mommy porn that’s gonna make us all really rich while all the sexually frustrated housewives are primed up for that new Shades of Grey movie. Last one in bed is gonna be my evening snack!”

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“Whoops, too late….I must’ve accidentally eaten that girl kid. Girl kids are awfully hard to digest….must be all that hair….”

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“I’m wite here Mama, sheesh. Can’t you smell me? How loud’s a girl gotta scweam to get a cwean diaper awound here??”

“moTHER, can’t you take her and get out; all this noise is clogging my pores!!”

“Years of therapy will never be sufficient to make up for the damage my family is causing to my psyche….”

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“Aw crap, this isn’t indigestion; I’m in labor. Again.”

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“Did I hear someone say they’re in labor? I’ll be more than happy to assist; just drop your pants and we can begin!”

“Yes….some lucky psychotherapist out there is destined to make a modest fortune off of me sometime in the not so distant future….”

“Hewwo?? I still stink!”

“heLLO?! She’s still SCREAMING!”

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“Wait…..wait….I was just hungry. False alarm!”

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“Nope, never mind. I’m in labor….AND I’m hungry, surrounded by whining children I’m prohibited from eating while yet another one tears through my burning loins. FML.”

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::hours later::

“Behold. I have created new life….hey, where did everyone go?”

Well, Alopecia wandered off with Aldectone to do whatever it is they do, Anorexia’s passed out in the hopes that all of this was just a horrible dream, and Amnesia’s right in front of you.

“Who? Never mind, it’s not important. Behold, Asperger, another son to grace with the family name!”

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This concludes the chaotic, and fairly traumatizing birth of the Simptoms’ fourth child, whose traits and stuff I conveniently forgot so you would have an excuse to come back and read some more. Toodles!

8 comments on “A.12 Grinding Teeth During Sleep

  1. OMG, that was possibly the funniest sim birth scene I have ever seen!

    Only the fourth child. She has to do it one more time!! Poor girl. Poor children.

    Also, shout out to Hunter! Woot! πŸ™‚

    • Ahhh, it was madness! Pure madness! Babies screaming, and kids whining, and that creepy IF….creeping! Poor Sara always seems to encounter chaos when birthing. I was praying that this kid would be twins so we could be done with it already, but no such luck….so I’m sure the next one will be, just to spite me.

      Originally, I actually went with Forest, bc he’s MY personal favorite…but I had just finished catching up on the Bookabets and wound up changing my mind at the last minute.

      • Heh. Hunter managed to nab the legacy spouse position in two legacies — Sweetest of Dreams and of course the Bookabets. So he’s almost literally a stud these days. He seemed like a good choice :).

      • Bwahahahahaha, I can see it now: Susan’s Stud Services, for all your Legacy spouse needs! You’d never have to work again!

  2. Geez! I already have a sympathy headache on behalf of sim Sara and Sim Curtis. Four noisy kids in one room. Nice!

    The heir poll is going to be a tough one. They are all awesome! Especially Alo and his flip flops. Move over Franco, apparently you have competition.

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